Destiny Jade

Sharing this because I have to…

Her name was Destiny, she was delicate, and she was small.
For a precious few months, kept hidden within, hardly do I share of how her life did begin.

I was 15 years old, aimless and lost. She came out of nowhere and at very little cost.
I kept a suitcase of tiny little things hidden away, somewhat a depiction of me, in a way.
It was there I carefully tucked away precious things, a treasure trove of the life I alone hoped I could bring.

The night I lost her painted a picture of my world. A house full of people, known but not remotely emotionally connected. They all sleeping while I, alone in the dark, wreathed in pain, hoping whatever was happening within me would quickly soon pass. Too scared to ask for help, to bring my pain to anyone’s attention, I laboured all night till my body gave up on the despairing tension.

Her life had already left her; there was nothing I could do. I woke the next day to my dark recollection. Numb from it all, I decided it best not to pay any more attention to my immature mind; it seemed best, in light of the hopeless intention.

That night seemed to feed on the fear I had believed that there was nobody in my world to keep me protected. Not only that, there was no one speaking and trying to correct it.

I was all alone.

Never would I reach out in the dark and share my despairs, how deeply I was broken and that no one did care and even if they did, my pain was too great and would soon be rejected.

My world had taught me not to rely on others; no one would be there for me; I had to be brave; I had to take cover. I kept my heart shut, determined to carry it alone, for this was how it had also been shown to me.

Her name was Destiny; if alive today, she would be a mature young woman. She was my daughter, my baby; she is the deep heartache I have kept hidden away.

Although she is not here, I hope that in sharing her story, I can come out of hiding because I believe there is something more significant for me in deciding that declaring His glory is far greater than all of this hiding.

I now have an assurance that I was and never am alone and that in our Creator’s heart, my Destiny will always be home!